As a child, in my hometown, I often heard people say: «Ha chiusi i pecurielli». Literally: “He has shut the sheep in.” The image is that of a shepherd who, in the evening, after bringing all the sheep back into the pen or the barn, can finally relax. The day's work is done, the goal has been reached, and what needed to be kept safe is now safe.
The Original Meaning: Securing What You Have Gained
The expression did not necessarily begin as a criticism. It was also used in very simple situations, almost as a description of the prudence of someone who, having achieved a goal, no longer wants to risk losing what they have gained.
I remember card games, for example. A player had won a certain amount of money and, from that moment on, changed their attitude completely: they stopped taking risks, lowered their bets, avoided the most dangerous hands, and could hardly wait for the game to end so they could leave the table with their winnings still in their pocket.
«Ha chiusi i pecurielli».
They had already got what they wanted. From that moment on, there was nothing more to gain: they only needed to preserve what they had gained. In this sense, “shutting the sheep in” can even be a form of wisdom: knowing when to stop.
When the Meaning Changes
Over time, however, the same expression can be used to describe something less appealing. There are people who, for as long as they need us, are attentive, helpful, persistent, and kind. As soon as they get what they were after, their attitude changes.
The problem is not feeling satisfied after achieving a goal. That is normal. The problem arises when we realise that their earlier courtesy was not a way of being, but merely a means to an end.
Before reaching the goal: phone calls, messages, smiles, a willingness to help.
After reaching the goal: silence, delays, distance, indifference.
Fifteen “Shepherd” Situations
1. The Loan
Someone asks you for money, contacts you often, explains the urgency, and promises to repay you on time. When the time comes to pay it back, you are the one who has to chase them.
2. The Estate Agency
Before the offer is accepted, the agent is attentive and extremely quick to respond. Once they become entitled to their commission, that attention may dwindle, just when there are still formalities, documents, and the signing of the deed to deal with.
3. The Salesperson
Before the purchase, they give you their time, explanations, and help. After you have paid, trying to get assistance feels like talking to a different person.
4. The Job Candidate
As long as they need an introduction or some advice, they contact you constantly. Once they get the job, they all but disappear.
5. The Colleague in Difficulty
When they need to finish an urgent piece of work, you are indispensable. When you later need a small piece of information, suddenly they have no time.
6. Someone Who Wants You to Put in a Word for Them
For days, you are a person of vital importance: phone calls, thanks, promises. Once they get the contact or the favour, the relationship abruptly turns cold again.
7. The Client Before Signing
Before the contract: “Call me whenever you like.” After signing: “For assistance, please open a support ticket.”
8. The Supplier
During negotiations, they reply within minutes. After the advance payment, those same minutes turn into days.
9. Someone Seeking Your Vote
In an association, a block of flats, or an organisation, everyone is listened to before the vote. After the election, some people become much less interesting.
10. The Favour with Paperwork
As long as they need a document, an explanation, or a contact, the person gets in touch constantly. Once the paperwork is sorted out, you never hear from them again.
11. The Friend Who Is Moving House
When they need to move, you are essential for boxes, furniture, and trips in the car. When you need a hand months later, unexpected commitments often appear.
12. Attention with an Ulterior Motive
Not necessarily romantic: someone showers you with attention because they want to enter your circle or meet someone through you. Once they gain access, the intensity of the relationship plummets.
13. The Client Who Wants a Discount
Before the agreement, they promise a long working relationship. Once they get the discount, they have no hesitation in considering other suppliers for the next job.
14. The Employee Before a Transfer
As long as they want to move to another office, they often seek out the manager, ask for advice, and show a willingness to help. Once the transfer comes through, those visits stop.
15. Someone Who Needs Your Testimony
As long as you need to confirm a fact or write a statement, you are indispensable. Once the problem is resolved, even a simple thank-you may disappear.
“Shutting the Sheep In” Is Not Always a Fault
This is the most interesting part of the expression: the same action can signify either prudence or opportunism.
The player who stops taking risks after winning does no harm to anyone. They have simply decided that their winnings are enough. The professional, acquaintance, or friend who changes their attitude as soon as they no longer need us is doing something different: they are not merely protecting what they have gained, but revealing that the earlier relationship largely served a purpose.
The difference could be summed up like this:
A prudent person keeps safe what they have gained. The “shepherd” of human relationships sets aside those who helped them gain it.
The Moment of Truth Comes Afterwards
Many people are capable of being kind when they need something. At that moment, kindness may be self-interest, good manners, strategy, or sincere gratitude: it is hard to tell them apart.
The real test comes afterwards. When there is nothing left to ask for, when the contract has been signed, the favour has been done, the money has been lent, the vote has been secured, and the problem has been solved. That is when we see whether the earlier willingness to help truly belonged to the person or only to the circumstances.
Perhaps, then, a person's true character is revealed above all when they no longer need us, rather than while they still do.
A Memory of My Son
When my son was in primary school, he once wrote among his resolutions:
“I won't shut the sheep in any more.”
To a stranger, that sentence would have seemed incomprehensible. To us, however, its meaning was perfectly clear: I will not stop treating someone well just because I have already got what I wanted.
Thinking back on it today, it does not strike me as a small childhood resolution at all. It is a simple rule, but a demanding one even for adults.
Because «Ha chiusi i pecurielli» can be the satisfied smile of someone who has brought a day to a good close. But it can also be the moment when someone, having finally got what they wanted, shows us who they really were.
What I Would Like to Leave My Children
My children, I would like all three of you to know how to take care of what you build, without forgetting the people who helped you build it. Knowing when to stop can be wisdom. Ceasing to respect someone as soon as we no longer need them is another matter.
I am not asking you for gratitude that becomes an endless debt, or to remain bound to someone who uses a favour to demand everything from you. I am asking you to keep your commitments, to know how to say thank you, and not to turn kindness into a currency you spend only when you want something.
That resolution written in childhood still seems to me a good standard for us all: to be able to achieve a goal without making those who stood by us feel cast aside. Keep your sheep safe, without shutting out of your life those who helped you care for them.
Papy