When I was sixty, my children reminded me of some of the sayings I had repeated over the years. They had kept them in their memories and, by giving them back to me, helped me understand that words spoken within a family can leave a mark even when the person saying them is unaware of it.
They are not absolute truths, nor are they meant to be. Some contain experience, some humour, and others an affectionate way of looking at one another. I preserve them here because what a child remembers about a parent becomes part of a shared story: a small inheritance made not of possessions, but of words.
Passions and work
“Passions can always be nurtured, whereas, in order to work, what you know how to do must be useful to someone.”
— Papy
Passions belong to our inner freedom. We can cultivate them over time, allow them to rest and then rediscover them, even when they do not become a profession. Work has a more concrete and relational dimension: what we know how to do gains professional value when it meets someone else’s need.
I also used to sum it up this way: “If you know how to do something, you will always find work.” It was my quick and hopeful way of expressing the idea, not a promise that every ability immediately guarantees a job. If you truly learn to do something useful, reliable and needed, however, a path can open before you. I would tell my children not to abandon what they love, but also to learn how to turn their abilities into something valuable for others.
The ten steps of life
- be born
- “ascilo”
- primary school
- middle school
- high school
- university
- work 👨💻
- retirement
- grow old
- die ⚰️
— Papy
“Ascilo” is not a spelling mistake. It is how my son used to pronounce the Italian word “asilo”, meaning nursery school. I have left it unchanged: a word imperfect in form, but perfect in preserving the voice he had as a child.
This little sequence reduces life to ten steps and, for that very reason, makes us think. Between birth and work there are five stages devoted to education. We spend an enormous part of our lives preparing for what comes next, almost always looking towards the following milestone.
And yet life is not merely the sum of its milestones. Between those ten points lie relationships, choices, mistakes, waiting and everything that cannot be fitted into a programme. The list reminds us that time is limited and that preparation matters, provided we do not forget to live while we are preparing.
Papy’s Theorem
“It is better to have extra things that you can take away than to have too little of something you cannot add later.”
— Papy’s Theorem
It is the principle of reversible correction: what is excessive can be reduced, while what is missing cannot always be recovered. It is not praise for waste or accumulation, but an invitation to preserve a margin before making a final choice.
This “theorem” has already inspired the longer reflection “Is More Always Better? The Measure of Things”. Here I preserve its family meaning: while you still have a choice, it is wise not to deprive yourself too soon of what you may later need. True balance does not mean always having more; it means understanding what can be removed and what, once lost, can no longer be added.
Being truly present
“Better to have all of you to ourselves for part of the time than to have only part of you all of the time.”
— Remembered by a daughter and addressed to Papy; original source unverified
I preserve this sentence as it was given back to me. I do not know with certainty who first phrased it; for that reason, I do not present it as an original creation, but as a saying held in our family’s memory.
It is not about possessing another person, but about the quality of their presence. We may spend many hours beside someone while being elsewhere in our thoughts, or share only a little time and offer it wholeheartedly. Love is not measured by duration alone; it is also revealed through undivided attention.
This saying applies to parents, children and every important relationship. Sometimes we believe we are giving others all our time, when we are offering them only what remains of our attention. To be present means choosing, at least for a while, the person standing before us.
Young and old
“It is better to live like an old person when you are young than to live like a young person when you are old.”
— Papy
This is not an invitation to extinguish youth or give up joy. To live a little “like an old person” while young means carrying foresight, responsibility and the ability to look ahead. It means building today what may protect us tomorrow.
Nor does this saying condemn anyone who keeps a youthful heart as the years pass. Youthfulness of spirit is a gift; lack of preparation is something else. The meaning of the paradox is that we should not postpone every responsibility until time and strength make it harder to begin again. Preparing for tomorrow does not mean ceasing to live today; it means not asking the future to pay the whole price of our lack of foresight.
What remains
Read together, these sayings speak about competence, education, prudence, presence and the future. Their deepest value, however, lies in the bond that preserved them. When a child remembers a saying, they return to a parent a trace of the place that parent has held in their life.
I leave them here not as commandments, but as starting points for further thought. If they return to my children’s minds one day, they should not feel obliged simply to repeat them: they may question them, correct them and make something of their own from them. This too is a way for us to keep talking to one another.